In these irritatingly health conscious times when everyone is making sure that their antioxidants are detoxifying and their Omegas are Omega-ing, one can find themselves a little overwhelmed amongst the obnoxiously fit and the pompously healthy. One might even find themselves so irritated that they want to go out and buy a bag of chips just to spite those endlessly athletic goons who seem to be absolutely everywhere. So you go to the local 7-11 and buy yourself a delicious bag of Doritos. Oh Doritos, you think to yourself, you would never tell me that I need to drop a few pounds. You pull open the bag and that glorious whoosh of Nacho Cheese, Cool Ranch or Sweet Chili Heat wraps your face in deliciousness. You look inside the bag and, what is this? Your hard earned scratch (for some reason, Doritos always seem staggeringly expensive compared to the rest), has been spent on half a bag of chips and half a bag of air. Don’t get me wrong, that first sweet gust of nacho breeze is a delight, but a five dollar delight? No thank you.
This is only the tip of the iceberg and this reporter has had enough. At 22 years old, I feel as though I am far too young to be saying, “I remember when you got a whooole bag of chips for only $2.50! That’s right! Doritos! And I had walk up a massive hill, there and back in my bare feet…in the snow…chased by wildebeests…just to get them.” All of that is true.
Seriously though, if I am buying a pricey bag of quality potato chips, I want a full ass bag, not this half air foolishness. Hey, I wish I didn’t have to spend close to five dollars on a bag of chips, but unfortunately, Doritos have made their chips so delicious and irresistible, there is really nothing I can do about it now. They are far superior to any other kind of chip, let alone nacho chip, and whether that is due to an addictive chemical sprinkled in with the Cool Ranch, I don’t know. But what I do know is myself - and I’m sure many others - find ourselves craving them nightly. There is a reason that 7-11 is open all night, and believe me friend, it has nothing to do with convenience. It has to do with the financial liabilities related to nacho-crazed fiends tearing up the front of your store every night. You think insurance covers that? As well as the fact that 7-11 probably makes a sixth of its entire revenue based on nightly Doritos sales alone. Think about it.
So what is going on around here? Has anyone taken a look at the Big Mac lately? Or should I say, Moderately-sized Mac? Those two all-beef patties would blow away if someone left a window open. The “special sauce” barely drips down my sesame seed buns. And don’t get me started on the lettuce. I have never seen such a mountain of shredded lettuce in my entire life. Did they think that no one would notice? That they could camouflage the declining Mac with heaps of watery lettuce? No way. I needs me meat. I may as well start getting the Filet O’ Fish; at least that has ALWAYS sucked. And there is something to be said for consistency.
Well luckily, there is one unhealthy outlet that will always remain consistent. And that my friends, is the bar. Regardless of where you go, the alcohol ratios are always the same. One mixed drink, by law, contains one ounce of alcohol and the alcohol percentages of beers are printed clearly on the label. Sometime you wanna go where everybody knows your name; where you know exactly how many gin and tonics it will take to get you nice and crunk. And there is nothing better than parking your caboose on a comfortable bar stool, whether it’s a chic and fancy leather bar stool or a sunny patio’s outdoor bar stool. A nice, consistently boozed-up cocktail is made that much better with a comfy barstool to relax on. Who doesn’t love a good swiveling bar stool? Now that is some sassy seating.
So take a good old fashioned trip to the bar, or, better yet, start construction on your own home bar and simply visit LeatherBarstoolSelect.com, SwivelBarstoolSelect.com or OutdoorBarstoolSelect.com and explore the vast selection of stylish swivel barstools, durable outdoor barstools and chic leather barstools. Start building your own personal drinking environment, where the drinks are always generously proportioned and the chip bags are half full…not half empty.
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