Armchair QB

Ray regretted his impulse the moment the cup left his hand. Each time his defense was dissected like a Grade 12 Biology Piglet, there was always a split-second when rationality went out the window like a Jeff George 12-yard overthrow. It would have been preferable if the malt beverage that now dripped from his TV and the wall behind it wasn’t in his hands when that split-second arrived this time.

It’s very much true you can be born a fan. In Ray’s case he was born into his allegiance, and his loyalty was so fierce it had kept him one for all these years. His father was a Raiders fan, and Ray was too. With the exception of that aberrational 2003 run that ended when Gruden knew their playbook better than they did, Ray had been watching Davis the Dinosaur run his team into the ground for as long as he could remember. Sunday afternoons had become a trying experience, to say the least.

Mrs. Ray often remarked that Ray devolved into a petulant teenager for 3 hours every Sunday in front of the TV, but that’s nothing noteworthy as its par for the course for nearly every passionate football fan. She had come to accept it, but she was drastically less accepting of their living room pieces being at constant risk of projectile attack each time Oakland’s offense looked like a drunken Pop Warner scrimmage.

This time she walked into the aftermath, remarking “good thing we have hardwood floors” with a disdainful shake of the head. Ray didn’t even blink, he was too focused hoping for a successful third-down stop, and the resulting first-down completion brought out a string of expletives that would have made a trucker proud. The Mrs. stared over with eyes locked on the bowl of nacho dip that was sharing its contents with the chair after this most recent outburst, and thought of the new microfiber upholstery sofa set they had ordered recently from Cymax Stores. Something had to be done, and sooner rather than later based on the fact this 0-4 season wasn’t looking to get any better anytime soon.

Ray tried to diffuse the situation somewhat with a token “Sorry honey, you know how I get.” She certainly did, but her mind was made up. She made her way into the den and sat down at the computer. Online shopping really was so easy, and the convenience of home delivery was a big part of why they had decided to purchase their new sofa set from Cymax. It had only been two days since they had placed their order, and Mrs. Ray was fairly sure this purchase would need to arrive shortly after the sofa did, or definitely before the first Sunday after.

The decision was quick and easy. Six quality-made Winsome TV trays were staring back at her and, priced right with a full money-back guarantee, before you can say “TOUCHDOWN CHARGERS!!” two were in her cart and at the checkout. She was pleased to check the “estimated arrival date” icon attached to each product and see that her trays would arrive only days after the sofa. “As easy as that” she thought.

Both of them were very happy with their purchases. The sofa set looked great, and it didn’t take Ray much to realize the value of having his beverage out of his hand when the Raider’s red-zone offense sputtered like a weathered ’72 Pinto. The Mrs. admired from a distance, and felt a sense of security as strong as a San Diego secondary in seeing the snacks on the new tray and far from the upholstery.

For Ray and all of us like him – 17 days left!