Furniture Can Make You Mad

I have a computer desk that makes me mad. It has a beautifully scalloped apron that digs into my left thigh, leaving a deep rectangular indentation whenever I sit in front of it for longer than an hour. It's not really the desk's fault, since it's not really a desk. A much loved hand-me-down, originally this piece of furniture was a dresser with a tri-fold mirror bolted on the back.

The mirror, my friend who gave me the dresser reported, was cracked right down the middle, a casualty of a rough-housing session with an older brother, and was consequently dragged out to the garage until it was finally hauled away to the dump. Fifteen years later, the dresser was banished from the apartment when he and his partner redecorated. I became its proud new owner because at the time, I was looking for a writing desk and I liked the dresser's deep drawers.

I refinished it to match some of the darker wood pieces in my living room. When it was used strictly as a writing table, it wasn't a problem, but once I upgraded and put a computer on it, that's when I started running into difficulties. Still, I'd rather keep massaging my thigh and muttering under my breath whenever I walk away from the "computer desk" than relinquish it for something more appropriate, like a computer cart or computer armoire.

Although, even if I'm the only one in the room, every time this happens, I get embarrassed. But I'm not alone. A very quick, very informal and very unscientific poll of unsuspecting co-workers queued in front of the fax machine revealed that almost everyone owns a piece of furniture that has a tendency to irritate, annoy, frustrate or anger. When it comes to furniture that ticks us off, it seems that I am in good company.

Someone in accounting says that she is constantly bumping into the corner of her bed whenever she passes by, even though they're rounded and not particularly sharp. One of the customer service representatives reports, that no matter how they place the coffee table in front of the couch, he and his roommates constantly snag their knees on its edge whenever they get up from the sofa. Another fellow worker emphatically complained about the dresser drawer that keeps inconveniently sticking, especially it seems, whenever she's running late for work.

And when I mentioned this theory in casual conversation to my neighbor across the hall, he too had a story to tell. In fact, he opened the door to his apartment wider so that I could see exactly what he was talking about. In his entryway, he has a beautiful real-life antique console table with cabriole legs, which he maintains, conspires to trip him in the most inopportune moments, like when he's carrying a cup of something hot into the living room.

To me personally, the most interesting and revealing aspect of this impromptu survey was that no one asked, "What are you talking about?" Most everyone, it seems, has a piece of furniture in their lives that has a mind of its own and conspires, in a fit of whimsy, to annoy us every now and then.