Plan Bs for St. Nick

The big guy sat back at his desk, swimming in a sea of opened letters and still-sealed envelopes that took up every inch of space of the most chaotic office in all of the North Pole. In pondering the question before him, one that he was now receiving with increasing regularity, he could only assume more and more parents were aware of www.electricfireplaceselect.com. He sighed, contemplating how his legendary gig used to be so much more simple.

The question that gave him such fits arriving en masse? “How do you get in through our fireplace when there’s no chimney to the roof?”

“Jolly” Old St. Nick wasn’t so jolly at this particular moment. “Gosh darn it,” he thought, “Why can’t parents just amend the tale a little, make up something, ANYTHING! Does anyone think I enjoy behaving like a common thief wedging my ample midsection through windows, picking locks and more?” He grumpily rebuked an elf who’s anxious knock at the door annoyed him at just the wrong moment.

Sure, the shift to multiple family dwellings, “condo life” as it were, was predicted years ago but maybe he hadn’t paid enough heed to the warnings. He’d assumed, perhaps foolishly, there would still be chimneys to slide on down the way there had been for decades upon decades. However impractical those traditional fireplaces might have been in modern city homes, it would have been nice if they’d even considered just how set in his ways old Santa was. But no, everybody had to embrace the electric fireplace and as much as he disliked the fact, truth was he couldn’t blame them as the warmth and charismatic presence of those simulate fires just made so much darn sense.

Suzie from Chicago wrote “Don’t worry Santa, my parents’ Dimplex Promotional Free Standing Fireplace will be switched off on Christmas Eve, but can you please tell me how you come out of it? Can you do magic too like the guy on TV? Please tell me. PS – I will leave extra cookies if you respond ASAP.”

Quentin from Vancouver queried “Our Fire Sense Georgetown Electric Fireplace doesn’t need a chimney because there’s no smoke. If there’s no chimney, how do you bring in our presents? Last year I was locked in my room because I wanted to stay up and watch you pull it off, so please write back or I’ll leave a running camcorder on the sofa.”

Sara from Boston said “Santa, I have determined there’s no way you can fit into our Classic Flame Victoria Black Electric Stove. Sorry, but you’re too chubby and it’s perfectly compact for our condominium and provides a lovely radiating warmth in our living room on cold winter nights. I’m concerned you will break it if your try. Please respond with your alternate plan.”

Ole Saint Nick leaned back again and lit his pipe, resolving to get his PR department to put a spin on this without delay. He picked up a remote on his desk and pointed it to the wall. A Southern Enterprises Whiteman Mahogany Fireplace roared to life and warmth instantly flooded the room.

“If you can’t beat ‘em” Santa muttered quietly to himself.