Thursday, June 19, 2008

Elevator Chargers: Where Lay the Roots of Impatience?

Since relocating to the big city, a predominant trend has become increasingly bothersome to me – elevator chargers. I’m totally at a loss as to why waiting for the elevator to clear before entering seems to be conceptual thinking for a great many people in this city. I realize we live in a “go go” world, but to me this is a little bit much. I firmly believe it’s only a matter of time before I get a torso full of hot coffee as a result of simply vacating the elevator in an orderly, logical manner.

I have to say this tendency annoys me to no end. The very second the door opens it’s head down and forward, full bore. What gives? Are you really in that much of a hurry to get to the office? The two-to-three second delay you’ll give up to allow the passengers to exit is going to inconvenience you that much? Sometimes I think these are the same people who’d pull a Costanza when a “fire” breaks out at a child’s birthday party...

What is at the root of such disdainful behavior? I’ve given it some thought and I’m at something of a loss. As a result, I’m going to speculate that some of them may have experienced a painfully-recent home furnishings shortcoming, and if so I recommend online shopping at cymaxstores.com as a means of developing necessary social graces.

Perhaps he or she is running late due to their being unable to find the car keys that morning. Could it be that a Home Star Nesting Table, perfectly situated next to the door with those elusive keys and a comforting photo of the family, is a suitably stylish solution? Very reasonably priced for a pair in a fine hardwood finish, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more affordable means of adding quality-made character to the common areas of your home. A Home Star Corner Curio would serve the same purpose with similarly excellent value.

Maybe it’s an inclement weather day and one of the cattle is in a bit of a foul mood from being unable to find their raincoat in a cluttered foyer closet. Wouldn’t be enough to drive me to abandon all manner of civility, but I’ll refrain from ranting. An inexpensive Home Star Coat Rack would likely have meant a quick and easy procurement of the necessary garment and an umbrella to boot. Enough to prevent bowling over the elderly to get a seat on the Skytrain? Don’t know about that, but it’s worth a try.

The incomparable value of a Nexeria Allegria Mirror would allow any of the stampeders to take stock of their impeccable appearance each morning, and might inspire a little more relaxed strutting across the lobby so that others may admire the view; not to mention some of that coffee will likely end up on you as well. Perhaps Mr. or Mrs. Self-Absorbed were at a loss to find the right necktie or accessory belt that A.M. The value of a visibly attractive South Shore Drawer Chest in allowing you to be a more well-mannered member of society would be so much more than its clear dollars-and-cents appeal.

Pure speculation I admit – But what’s a guy to do when he’s at a loss to find any explanation for such reproachable behavior.

Slow down folks

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